I choose carefully the moments I see myself
I forget myself when I look at itevery next day,
I look beyond me even on days of pure ecstasy,
But I dive deep into my own eyes the mornings of tears,
I sink into my dark circles after sleepless nights and I cannot help but
jump over my curves as high as mountains, crossing the stretch mark rivers on my thighs, stroking the hairs on my legs,
I choose carefully the moments I see myself,
But I’m still surprised when I find myself at the corner of my bathroom,
My lips rise like a curtain at the beginning of a show and my tongue twirls inside my mouth in a disheveled waltz,
I forget myself when I speak and I forget myself when I laugh,
I am surprised when people listen to me but I don’t know if they can hear,
I don’t know how to look at myself,
I left my glasses on the couch,
I am short-sighted but I choose when I see myself,
I wear my double chin like a glove and pimples blooms on my forehead,
I wear my eyebrows in an arch where they can finally kiss,
My face is war zone where habit and chaos meet in an unexpected embrace,
But the latter is anything but golden, it is ugly and drooling, it is dirty and disgusting,
At the very heart of destruction, between doubt and illusion, between rhymes and passions,
I decide, I cross the street to break the routine,
I don’t finish my sentences but my questions are pouring,
I go to bed too late and wake up too early,
At the heart of destruction, I lie down,
I sing to the specks of dust climbing my arms and
I whiper to the seeds hanging on to my intestines,
The world will never be silent and listen to me but I keep shouting,
I scream, my lungs burn, the blood hops between my pupils,
The storm is near but as long as there is an end, I’ll be there,
I choose carefully the moments I see myself,
War is declared and my skin is its field,
I close my eyes, my mouth, plug my nose and don’t think twice about disappearing,
Because the storm is always close
in the land of pomegranates and jasmine.

written by Mariam, translated by Lucie